It feels like I haven't had a quiet moment at home in the last few weeks....Various "to-do's" and emotions to feel without some time to digest it all. When it rains, it pours, and I must be learning to deal with many things at once it would seem. Thank goodness for the appt with my new therapist last week. It came just in time to help me sort out relationship stuff, health questions, work stressors, all the while trying to re-establish healthy exercise habits in my life again. I've realized I've got to take one thing at a time here and not push myself to take on more than I can handle.
It turns out this little blog I created was just what the doctor ordered...literally! Gail (my therapist) gave me some literature to read about my personality type...turns out emotionally reflecting on the events of my life is exactly what I'm wired to avoid. By putting my to-do list aside for a little while, and making the time to reflect a bit I can sort through all the emotional stuff of life and help my soul evolve. :)
Feeling multiple emotions at once is hard to make sense of and makes my chest feel tight...I keep reminding myself to breathe deep full breaths.
Right now there are several areas of my life "under construction" ~ my own personal growth and evolution of my soul; my family and our subsequent medical history stuff that is rearing up right now; my relationship with Rob which is totally intertwined with my personal growth stuff; work stressors like report cards and conferences.
I'm doing what I feel like I can manage emotionally right now. I don't feel like this is a time when I can pick up my torch and blaze through them all simultaneously. It is really hard to admit I don't feel like I have the hutspa to take them all on right now. Even though I know it's not how the world sees me, I feel like admitting that makes me vulnerable and weak somehow.
I've made an appointment with my primary care doctor to discuss the vein in my leg and family history of brain aneurysms on Monday the 22nd. While really stressful to think about (since going to the doctor to begin with makes me feel anxious), I have 20 parent/teacher conferences to prep for and complete this week. Thank goodness for the 2nd appt. with Gail on Monday afternoon. She's going to give me a "tool" to use when I'm feeling anxious (like I am right now) about things...
And then there's my relationship with Rob...
So many different thoughts, feelings, and decisions are inter-connected in this one. For now, I'm content with the decisions I've made to stay put while I sort out the family medical stuff, and explore the therapist's work on my own and what we do together. I wonder and hope that we can each grow enough to stop our own role in the pattern we've created. THIS is the big question I think.
Man, these moments for self-reflection really stir up some emotions...I suppose a few tears in the process is a healthy release. :)
I hope you girls don't think I've gone totally batty...I appreciate the safe place to dump my emotional worries for the time being.
xoxo
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